I took early retirement because my dad didn’t. Its cost him a lot in terms of his health in the years since. He was the first to celebrate my decision. Other people however seem to have taken retirement to mean ‘has nothing to do all day so can be at my beck and call’. Prepare for a rant.

I love my wife. Last week we had a bit of a situation. I’d planned a day to zoom off to the art gallery and have lunch at my club, put in some work on my PhD, various household tasks, as you do. Then the text message landed ‘Can you just go and get me some vape liquid?’ This was Monday. We had been at home all weekend (there’s a story about a broken boiler and useless trades for another day) and the vape shop had been open the whole time. So I messaged to say I would go but now this had thrown off my plans. Follows a gushing apology and retraction. Now the difficult conversation that if you want people to treat you a certain way e.g. not disturb you when busy or undertaking difficult tasks (referring to a work incident for my wife the previous week) maybe model it.

I accept that you may now be judging me. Bear with. The wife in question has ADHD. (This is my only wife please don’t get excited). It has taken years to get into the system to get a sniff or a diagnosis and we are not there yet, though hopefully in the final stages. The incident was a piece of work with a deadline and a manager who kept sending through irritating little tasks that could wait. If you know ADHD at all you will understand that any distraction is the total destruction of concentration and takes some time to recover from. There are strategies in place. Noise cancelling headphones. Closed door to signal ‘Do Not Disturb’ and at home these work well but in a connected world every ping is a disturbance. Apparently shutting the notifications off for an hour or two is not an option. My phone has all notifications switched off and if you need me urgently you’d better ring me. Point being that a difficult conversation about boundaries and use of time ensued at work.

At home we have a calendar and a daily conversation about planned activities. It’s polite and helps things to run smoothly. I’m currently refusing to use any online schedules. Had enough of them at work and a paper diary is just so much cooler. (I use one from Paper Republic with refills. They are not paying me to mention them.) I’d said what my plans were, in particular I had a PhD deadline and needed to concentrate. Sadly my way of ensuring things get done is to do them while I’m thinking about them. I do have a ‘to do’ list in my carefully constructed (cough) Bullet Journal and I’m usually pretty good at remembering things but not that day. So I reorganised my day to do household in the morning, postpone the gallery as the exhibition is on for another week, and write in the afternoon. It was Ok I achieved the main tasks. Good stuff.

Fade to Friday afternoon. I’m sitting in my club. Waiting. I have a private tutoring arrangement with a young member there and he was late. Again. I waited 30 minutes and left. I have no idea what’s going on in his head. Last week his reason was he had the books to do for his business and cancelled last minute.. The week before no idea what happened but he was distracted throughout cutting the session short to go meet a paying client. I have a strategy I’m going to try for that one. It costs me time, energy and money to be there and he seems to have no respect for that. We have another appointment tomorrow. We shall see.

My point in all this? I’m retired from full time work. I chose to do that so I could better control my time and put my focus on the things I want to do. Things that give me joy. Even housework is not taxing when you can plan to do it at your own pace not rush through it on your day off. I’ve managed to get up, make the bed, make breakfast and write this even before starting my planned activities. Its not yet lunchtime… and so what if it was, I’m retired, not bored, not un busy. I’m off out now.

NOTE: The tradesperson fixed the boiler on day 6 without heating in approx. 15 minutes. He was from a different company.